I just wanna say Happy Belated Birthday to my co-writer @TMAngel_!!!! Now you're 16 Alexy... (right?) lool anyway make sure you Study Hard and PLAY HARD!!! But babygirl don't be foolaid by the boys!!! love you sissy muaaaaaah
Silently, while sitting at her desk, words found all over it seemed to fade as her mind wandered outer space. Onika just didn't feel right and that is the reason she had to depart from her work place. Her feeling abject was starting to become an incessant habit, but it wasn't like it was her fault. The only thing she wanted to do was work and take care of her daughter but her thoughts and physical ability kept her from doing that. That was the very reason why Heaven stayed at her god mom's house for a couple of days. It was a bit much to worry about herself and then worry about Heaven.Work was getting a little boring anyway. Her speedy ability took charge and as a result, it didn't take long for her to finish a task. There was nothing else left to do at that moment. And also her shift wasn't too far from terminating.
A ruminating glare welcomed itself on her face as she sat back with a finger in her mouth and a leg crossing the other. The air from her mini desk fan blew her face and hair. She shut her eyes for a moment rocking back and forth.
'Beam me up, Scotty,' she thought. And that was all she could take. The feeling was like an outburst of rage scene banging on the inside of her head. She opened her eyes, uncrossed her legs, and went to find Timothy since her boss wasn't there. He was found in the break room having his lunch with one other person.
"Tim?"
"Oh, yes? What's up?"
"I'm going to go now. You know, so you don't wonder where I went." She flung her hand with a squint.
"Um, okay," he replied, concerned. "Is everything okay?"
"Mhm. I'll be okay. See you later. Have a good evening," she smiled.
"Okay Onika. Take care."
She jogged back to her office to log off her computer and grab her stuff. A wave of hands dismissed her and she said good bye back also. Then, she got on the elevator and walked out the revolving doors.
It was Thursday anyway and although the rain had yet to cease, it wasn't raining hard. The sky was becoming obscure and sidewalks filled with many people on and off as the hours flew by.
Her car sat lonely in the parking lot waiting to be utilized again. She got in her car, turned on the heat, found some music, and was on her way.
Finally she got home time after usual because she took her time and enjoyed the view on her way. She did a good job of letting her thoughts drown in happiness.
She entered her warm home, hanging her jacket on the rack and slipping off her gray wedge heels. She positioned near the window taking a few breaths in and out to find how she'd continue her night. After feeling alleviated, she let her hair breath from out of the two clips that held it up and sat in on the small glass table.
Then she went in the kitchen to heat up some water for green tea. She went to the bathroom then came back in the kitchen to fix her tea. The night started to make the roaring sound. It usually did that around that time because that's when the clouds wanted to sob.
Her plasma called for attention when she sat so her arm reached out for the remote and she turned it on. She browsed through the channels but couldn't find anything interesting. Lately nothing would interest her.
Now she took the opportunity to do something she was thinking about all night. Since Heaven was her world, she wanted to assure that her daughter was getting the best of things. Just because her and Kenneth have problems doesn't mean she wants Heaven to feel bad or think it was because of her because it wasn't.
She grabbed for her phone and called up Kenneth.
"Hello," Onika broke silence but in a low, unrecognized voice.
"Who is this?"
"I see you didn't waste any time deleting my number." She cleared her throat.
"No, I didn't I just pi--anyway what is it?"
"I think you need to be present so we can tell Heaven about our frantic situation."
"Huh? Why should I?"
"Because you're her father."
"But you kicked me out."
"That has nothing to do with you and your daughter. You helped create her so you need to help raising her, too. I didn't conceive her by myself."
"And I do."
"And you do what?!"
"Take care of my kid."
"Kenneth, you're a barefaced liar. That child wonders about YOU! Where have you been the last couple of days? Not with her. Not even on the phone. You haven't even called your child."
"It's none of your business. And wonders about what?"
"You're acting like we don't even know each other. What do you mean, wonders about what?! You haven't made an effort to communicate with her. And if you are scared by my words the other day, you're a punk."
"I'm not a punk but you're the one who told me not to come back!"
"Why are you so pathetic?!"
"Man... Is this all you want because I have stuff to do?"
"Well you can tell whoever you're with to cool it because this is concerning your daughter."
"What do you want me to do?!" he yelled. "I'm tired of talking to you!"
"Kenneth, you don't ever have to say another word to me but you will take care of your responsibilities. I want you to be there and explain to your TWO year old daughter that we're not going to be living together anymore."
"Why can't you do it?"
"Oh my gosh," Onika said out of frustration. "Why are you treating me like this? I'm asking of you a simple task with the little girl YOU created! Why are you making this more than what it is? I don't understand that."
"Onika, why can't you just tell her?"
She sighed getting annoyed and angry. "I will but you need to be there!"
"Well I'm not." And then he hung up.
Tears begged her eyelid to escape but she put her head back and stopped them as she began to walk upstairs. She was honestly tired of crying. Tired of feeling sick. Tired of being despondent.
There was no more to it. Kenneth, clearly, was willing to relinquish everything than dealing with his responsibilities.
She went upstairs and got changed into something more comfortable. From there she laid on her bed. Her tears were beyond irritated and took it upon themselves to roll down her cheeks. And that's how she laid for the rest of the night, on her abdomen. Here and there she'd curl up like a cocoon. Tossing and turning occurred every night, but just on her stomach with a pillow behind her back, head and beside her was comforting more than anything. Her crying stopped when she shut her eyes and slept.
...
Kenneth woke up to one freezing side of the bed. The night before was short after Kitziah came weeping to him. She honestly didn't want to be there. So, he soothed her until she fell asleep because he really didn't feel like dealing with it anymore. Ever since he had started seeing her, he began to act like a wanton individual, even towards her sometimes. All he wanted to do was be in his comfort zone and not worry about anything else.
He yawned and rolled out of bed, proceeding to the bathroom. When he opened the door, he found her sitting on the sink. She was tracing the hard, cold tiles with her eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Just thinking."
"Thinking about what?"
"I don't feel right. I miss him," she admitted.
"Well why don't you go back to him then?"
"He doesn't want me. He wouldn't even look at me. And he barely said a word to me."
"Well you did cheat, dummy."
"What was that for, Kenneth?"
"Well you did!"
"I know I did but there's no need for the name calling."
"Aight. My bad."
Her eyes fell back to the ground. She began to bit the side of her lip. "Let's talk."
"About what?" he asked interested, leaning on the sink beside her.
"I don't want to stay here."
"Want another room?"
"No, I mean I don't want to stay here... in this city. In this state. I need to leave."
"Why?"
She sighed. "I just don't want to be here anymore."
"You're getting on my nerves."
"What?" she asked confused after a few seconds.
"I mean one minute you're sad and then you can't make up your mind, like what's wrong with you?"
She looked up at him, mouth slightly ajar. Then turned away from him wrapping her arms around herself.
"I'm sorry, baby," he said in guilt going to hug her.
"No, don't touch me."
"What the...?!"
"I already told you now get out my face."
"Well lookey here, Kitziah! You either stay with me or you go to Switzerland with your mom. I know you don't want to do that."
"I don't."
"Well stop acting like an ass then. Can you start getting ready? Or else we're going to be late."
"What's the rush? We have so many hours to waste."
"Did you not say you wanted to do some shopping and some other crap?"
"Fine, Kenneth! I can't stand you sometimes!"
"Aw," he started kissing her cheek. "It's cute when you're mad."
"Will it be cute when I stick my foot up your butt hole?"
He rolled his eyes. "Get ready!"
...
She lied flat on her stomach with her arms and legs spread out. It is clear that she has been up but still be tired. It was 3 in the afternoon and it never stopped raining. The wind never stopped blowing and the hurt never stopped amplifying.
Sierra sat herself in a chair by the door; the other 2 gentle men sat in the corner. The three of them listened to heavy breathing; almost like an exaggerated one. They sat in silence for a couple of seconds.
"Yes?" Onika muffled into her cheetah pillow.
"Hey girl," Sierra said, excitedly. "Get up."
"I am up!"
"Come on, Onika."
"How did you know I was here, anyway?"
"Well certain someone wouldn't pick up their phone any more so I went to your job and a lady told me you didn't come in."
"I'm just fatigued of dealing with everything. Why didn't you just come here?"
"Well I was already out and near your job so I figured I'd just go and see."
Onika sat up and let her legs dangle on the side of her bed. Her eyes were more than weary. Her skin looked a shade lighter.
"Nika, you don't look good."
"I feel how I look then."
"You need to get up. You left work early yesterday and didn't go in today. Come on."
"Where's Heaven?!" She wondered because Sierra was supposed to be her caregiver.
"She's with my mom at day-care so don't even trip. You need to get up though. Let's go."
"For what?"
"We wanted to take you out."
"Yeah, I'm hungry," Jeremy inserted. Jeremy was Sierra's friend and Walter was Sierra's man.
"Yes," Sierra commented. "You need to eat 'cuz I know you haven't been eating."
"Yes I have."
"A cracker isn't food, Onika."
"I haven't been eating crackers, Sierra!" she laughed.
Walter arose. "All right, we gon' go."
"Okay." Sierra said.
"What do y'all want?"
Sierra perched her lips to say something but noticed Onika's head was down minutes later and her eyes were watery. "How about we just go out like we were going to?"
Both men shrugged and Onika continued to look down.
"Guys, can you give me a minute?" Sierra asked of them and they left the room. She scooted over to her friend whose tear drop dripped a puddle on her blue jeans. "Onika, what's the matter?" she asked rubbing her back.
"I don't feel good," she admitted laying her head down on Sierra's lap.
"Because you're not taking care of yourself. You can't do this to yourself, Onika. You have to stop."
"I haven't done anything."
"Exactly. This is not healthy. What is hurting you?"
"My stomach. My body is sore."
"Well how about you go and take a hot shower, huh?"
She groaned. "I need to see Heaven. I'm ready to tell her."
"Yes, so go and take a shower. We'll take you out and then we'll go and see Heaven, all right?"
"Okay. I'll go try and get myself together."
...
Kitziah pulled Kenneth into the fourth store she'd been in. Having time to waste before their flight, she knew that shopping would it. He groaned and sighed in a combination as he was pulled into another store. A feminine one, too. Of course shopping with any girl would get the same effect. He never caught onto the fascinating thing with clothes, shoes and hair when in fact he hadn't bought a thing yet. Not that he really wanted to but they were in the mall after all. He tried his best to be attentive with her thinking the time would go fast when only it seemed slower and slower. She tried to throw scarves and stuff on him and make him strut wanting a laugh but he absolutely didn't think it was funny. He though it was embarrassing and insulting.
Even after 2 hours, Kitziah had an amount of energy parallel to a toddler. So yes that means they received weird looks because of her. It was pissing him off, truth be told.
Perusing around, Kitziah is drawn to table near the back of the store. She picks up an exposed set to wear. Those ones you wear to lie on your back on a folding beach chair.
She picked it up and smiled. The colours were flowing and gave her a good mood. He looked over catching this grin. He swiped his chin giving one back.
"What you think about this?" she asks.
He let his hands fall on his lap. "If you like it, get it."
"I'm asking you..."
"Mm."
"Ken, just answer."
"I think the one beside it looks better."
Her eyes traced down. It then turned up. She stood back, sighing. "It's ugly."
"Looks better than that thing you have in your hand!"
"No it doesn't."
"Yes it does."
"No."
"I don't care. You asked me and now I'm telling you. Accept it."
"Whatever," She rolled her eyes.
"You're going to stop that eye rolling."
"Yeah, whatever."
Kenneth had been quiet for the rest of the time in that store. If you're asked your opinion, you tell it. If that person doesn't like your answer, shame on them for asking. He was done bickering with her. That's all they've accomplished this morning. He seen her at the cash register so he went and stood outside and looked around. The mall was crowded. And to top it off, the majority of people he seen were women. I guess that was normal.
Kitziah stepped out the store 15 minutes after and watched him look around. She leaned against the wall the bags strapped in her fingers.
"What are you looking at?"
He was startled turning and seeing how close she was to the side of his face. After, he gave her one of the looks. The looks when you're thinking if that person is really serious. He refused to talk to her right then so he walked away slowly to make sure that was the way she wanted to go. He assumed it was when she trailed with him.
Walking into the next store, hopefully the last, Kenneth immediately lost himself from her. If she needed someones' opinion, she could ask someone near her. That wasn't the case after all. Yet again she would have loved to see if what she had was something he was interested in. It's not like he would be the one wearing it, anyway.
And so she found him sitting out of the distance. He was looking at everything and then her when she stepped in front of him waiting for him to look up. He gazed at her long, smooth, shiny caramel legs before doing so.
She smiled then smirked. "You like this?" she asked holding the small see-through shirt and a tank top up to her chest.
"It's nice." The response was simple.
"Let me rephrase... if she were to come home with this, would you like it?"
He knew the 'she' he was thinking of had to be the same as what she was thinking because she never turned around, pointed or made eye-contact with any other person.
"I'm not going to answer that."
"And why not?"
"Because I don't want to."
"Why?"
"If you don't mind, I'm really not trying to think about her right now."
"Why not?"
"Kitz, IF YOU DON'T SH-" he started to scream but noticed his setting. Stares were most definitely given to the two. She looked down at him crossing her leg.
"Are you proud of yelling at me all the time? You think that's going to change it? It's not. Answer a simple question!" She threw the shirts' on him then went over to the rack.
He was sorry for doing that in a store.
So he let a few minutes ride then he wanted to go and find her; that's if she didn't leave. He figured a nice approach would do it.
"Are you tired of shopping yet?" And added a small smile.
Her eyes were beautiful. He noticed every time they were staring directly into his. She looked rather unhappy.
"Don't talk to me," she retorted softly pushing some clothes back on the shelf, stammering a little.
"Hey, what's wrong with you?"
"I didn't eat anything yet. We can get something. I'm okay."
"Okay and I'm sorry."
"I don't care. Leave me alone."
"I'll be standing outside."
"Whatever."
He left again leaving the sad-looking face behind. He'd never caused this before but too many words and emotions were shot at him. Therefore, he just went on and sat in the car.
The bass was knocking the whole car while he sat back in his chair and peeped at his rear view window.
A clicking on the door sent his eyes to the passengers’ door. It was indeed Kitziah. He unlocked the doors. She got in and sat her bags in the back. He turned on the car completely then looked over at her.
"What'd you get?"
"Nothing."
He reached his arm back and picked up one of the bags she had just laid there.
"Stop! You wouldn't stay in there with me so don't worry what I got!" She was mad. She started to shift in her seat after clicking on her seat belt and looked at the window. Then she mumbled, "I can tell you're going to ruin this trip to Bahamas. Trying to leave the trouble but it's coming with me."
"Excuse me what was that?"
"Nothing."
"Oh the trip that I'm paying for? The trip that we're about to be on our way to? The trip that got you talking for days? The trip I thought of? Oh okay!"
"Yup. That's the one."
"You're unbelievable," he admitted backing up out the parking lot
"You make me so sick sometimes. Sometimes, I want to strangle you."
"Crazy."
"I have my stuff, you know," she gestured with her eyes.
"Kitziah, shut up," he calmly said for a first.
"Because you've just been acting so wrong and self-indulgent."
"Kitz..."
"And I'm tired of it. I didn't even do anything to you."
"SHUT UP, KITZIAH! My goodness!"
"Kenneth, you're going to stop freaking screaming at me! I'm not freaking deaf! And the absurd name calling needs to stop too. Really."
"You've been acting like a pest!"
"I'm trying to be happy. Don't you want me to be happy?" Kitziah tried not to think about her husband. As badly as she wanted him back, she knew it wasn't going to happen. And that is the reason she felt like absconding from her problems and getting something better out of it.
"Not really," he joked.
"I hope you choke on your spit you stupid asshole."
"It'll be yours I choke on after you give me a kiss."
"I'm not giving you anything!"
"After I just bought all that stuff for you?"
"What did you buy for me, Kenneth? Nothing! You didn't buy me anything."
"So me giving you my card isn't so...?"
"Not if I didn't use it."
"Yeah right," he laughed.
"I can see why she wanted to be through with you. You're an ass wipe."
"Oh, the women you don't even like? Just shut up!"
"Yes, but the truth is the truth."
"Whatever Kitziah. Must be the same reason your ass got kicked out, you pest!"
That was it for her. She reached over and punched his arm. "Stop calling me it!" And the fact that he used her affliction as a revenge comment pissed her off more.
He removed her hand and threw the side of her body to the other side. And then he looked over to her, loathing.
"Crazy." Just then, his phone rang with a text message. Of course since he was driving the smart thing would be not to look but he proceeded to check it anyway.
Kitz reached went to look at it for him. "Let me see."
"No." He scooted her hand away but she snatched it with the other hand. She looked at the sender.
"Who's Ashley?"
He then reached over to take it back giving her a long, smirky stare afterwards.
"KENNETH!"
...
Onika was feeling better after spending some time with her friends. They went out for lunch and they shared laughs amongst each other. It was fun to not worry about the outside troubles. This was simply for her to feel happy and enjoy herself; she did.
But then came the hard part. After dinner, they went to Sierra's mother's house. She had thanked her mom for watching Heaven and she was told it wasn't a problem.
"Aw, come here mommy's little Angel," Onika breathed while Heaven sat at a table colouring with her back to her. She had closed the door behind her to talk.
Heaven turned around in a gasp. "Mommmmmy!!!"
"Yeah, mommy is here. How you doing Pumpkin?"
"I wanna go home witchu."
"I know you do baby but mommy needs one more day and I will come and get you, okay?"
"Uh... okay mommy."
"Come sit on my lap, baby girl."
"All right, mommy."
"Okay," she took a deep breath. There occurred a feeling of stability. She just wasn't ready at that moment and that sent her to stream a few tears. But, she quickly vanished them. That's why she wanted to be alone.
On the outside, she displayed deject and weakness when really there was more to it.
"Okay baby," she voiced rubbing Heaven's backside, "time to go."
"I'm going home witchu?"
"No. Remember I'm going to get you tomorrow, but I will be taking you to Auntie Sierra's house."
"Okay mommy" The little girl sighed.
The girls stayed a little while longer a Sierra's mother’s house; it was about seven thirty when they all left. Onika was in the car with Heaven, Sierra was in her own car leading the way to her home. The journey was only fifteen minutes long but the whole ride there Onika was trying to form sentence in her head, of how she will single handily explain, to a two year old that her father will not be around anymore. Heaven was not a naive two year old; she knew something was wrong with her mother. There was a reason she couldn't go home.
Finally Onika pulls up at Sierra's house, she parked outside. Onika said a silence pray before stepping out the car. ‘Dear God give me the strength to tell this little girl and give her understanding.’ Nika carefully took Heaven out of her booster seat and in to the house. She put her down in front of the TV and they watched SpongeBob together until Onika built up enough courage to tell her. Sierra had gone upstairs to change in to her pajamas so Onika had same time to speak to Heaven.
Nika took a deep breath before she spoke. "Heaven, baby"
"Yes, mommy?" Heaven looked at her mother with her big wide Havel eyes.
"I have something important to tell you." Heaven turned to the side with one leg on the couch giving her mother her full attention. "Baby, mommy and daddy are no longer together," She began. "Daddy has a new girlfriend and won't live with us anymore." Onika hoped her daughter understood they situation.
"It's because I didn't put my toys away?"
"No, honey none of this is your fault," Onika tried ever so hard to cry. "Daddy and Mommy just need to go our separate ways. We are just now in love anymore but you will always see him. Promise." Onika was in tears just having to explain this to her daughter that she is getting a divorce by herself. Heaven cried because her mother was crying.
"Mommy I don't know," she told, tone strangled with confusion.
"Heaven, we are not going to live together or be married anymore." She said softly.
"Mommy I promise I will be better, I will be a good girl." This is the last thing Onika would think. That it was her fault.
"Heaven, listen to me." Onika pulled the little girl on to her lap. "This is not your fault, it's no one’s fault. Okay?"
"But... Okay" Onika and heaven sat there in silence as they both cried soundlessly. Heaven eventually cried herself to sleep. Her mother gently carried her daughter in to the spare room. Onika just stared at her daughter peacefully sleep. 'What a beautiful sight'
"So did you tell her?" Onika turned around to face her friend, slowly standing you from the bed.
"Yeah," Sierra was the only one of Onika's friend that knew her situation clear as day from being right there with her.
"How did she take it?"
"She thought it was all her fault, Si." She began to tear up. All her best her friend could do was reassure her and give her a hug. Sometimes all that is needed is a hug. Onika walked back to the bed she tucked Heaven in and kissed the little girls forehead.
"I love you." She whispered.
As Onika stood up straight again, her phone rang. It was a blocked number but after the third ring she pick up. "Is this the wife of Mr Kenneth Cunningham?"
"Yes, who is speaking?"
"Doctor Greene from Riverside Hospital, your husband was caught up in a fatal car accident; we need you to confirm his body."
"What?" With that said, Onika's phone fell on the floor, followed by her body. Her body surfaced the carpet. Her heartbeat decreased the same time the agonizing, hammering sensation on her chest began.
"ONIKA!?" The last thing she heard before the eyes closed.
~*~
Onika woke up to a faint cry, she tried to open her eyes but the light was too bright. "Heaven it's not your fault" she heard Sierra repeat over and over as the little girl cried.
"Heaven." Onika said with her eye lids sealed shut.
"Mommy!!!!!" She heard her tiny feet ran towards her, this made Onika open her eyes. It was blurry at first but she soon regained her clear vision. Heaven jumped on the hospital bed and hugged her mother tightly.
"Aww baby, please don't cry" She hugged and kissed her. "Mommy's fine okay?" She grabbed Heavens face causing the toddler to look at her mother. "None of this is your fault you hear me?" Heaven nodded. "Stop saying that, I don't like it Heaven. I really don't." She hugged the child again. "Thank you Sierra. I honestly don't know what I would do without you."
"Girl I love you. Don't scare us like that."
"I won't ever. I love you too." It was about 10:30 pm so Heaven was beyond sleepily, just 10 minutes of being in her mother hands she fell asleep.
"So what happened?" Sierra asked, she wanted to know what caused her to faint.
"Kenneth is dead." She whispered before biting her bottom lip. Sierra gasped milliseconds after.
"What?!"
"Yeah, I have to confirm it's him. What am I going to do, Si? It's hard taking care of myself but I have Heaven to take of. By myself. I need him. Heaven needs him. “She might have been unaware of the things she was saying. She was always told how able she was. Yet again she was in a daze.
"Onika listen to me, you are a strong, independent woman, and you can do anything. I know you can. I have faith in you and plus you have me." Onika smiled a little. "I'm gonna call the doctor and tell him you're up." Onika nodded.
"It's just you and me now kiddo." She kissed the sleeping beauty in her arms.
After Onika was discharged, she asked Sierra to take Heaven to her house to sleep and she will meet her there. She doesn't want to sleep alone tonight.
Once she had identified Kenneth's body, the doctors took her to a room to hand her his things. Onika couldn't stop the tears from falling. "I'm sorry for your lost." The doctor said as he handed her his stuff. This was the saddest moment of her life. The man she loved since high school, married and had a child with was now dead. How was she supposed to feel? Not to mention she told Heaven she could see her father whenever she wanted... how ironic? All she had now is a bag of his things. What was she supposed to do with the bag...? Onika just cried. She got in the cab she called moments earlier and just cried until her mind came across the mistress. She looked through his phone and saw the text messages after giving direction to the driver. This only made Onika more upset. The fact that Kenneth was gonna leave the country without telling her and the fact that his mistress is Kitziah, her co worker. And although Onika wasn't surprised who this person was, she always thought Kitziah was a whore. Onika was livid, so livid she decided to call Kitziah phone. Little did she know that Kitziah was dead too.
"Kenneth?" Aubrey answered looking at the caller ID
"Kitziah?!" Onika asked shocked to hear a man’s voice.
TBC.
